A GENTLE EVANGELIST
Ralph Leslie John Kilby – 26/6/37 – 15/4/26
It was with great sadness that folk at Ashley Methodist Church heard of the sudden death of Ralph
Kilby on 15th April 2026. He and his late wife Danica were so well loved and greatly respected as
fully active members of our church for almost 20 years.
Ralph was brought up by his grandparents in Bedfordshire and attended Bedford School where he
was deputy head boy and an enthusiastic rugby player and cricketer. He was respected as one who
stood out for his principles, for example, refusing, as a conscientious objector, to join the CCF. He
attended Sunday School at Langford Methodist Church where, in his teens, he was greatly
impressed by visiting preachers from Richmond College, Surrey. He joined a Sunday evening
youth group and a fortnightly midweek prayer meeting which led him to answer a calling. At 17,
while sitting his A levels, he easily passed the exams for becoming a local preacher and first
preached at Langford MC on 28th January 1955. (He returned to preach there again for their 150th
anniversary in March 2012).
Ralph followed a very successful career in Social Services where he earned great respect for his
integrity, approachability and humour, for the care and encouragement he gave to his Mental
Healthcare Team in Bedford. It was as he arrived to inspect a care home in Biggleswade that he saw
a laundry van pull up and deposit an attractive young woman who had hitched a lift. This was
Dani, a Christian refugee from Yugoslavia who had found work as a cleaner at the care home.
Theirs was a classic and speedy romance leading to devoted marriage and three daughters followed
by nine grandchildren and several great grandchildren who all adored them. Ralph’s family was all
important to him; he was able to teach them so much through his wisdom and by example of how to
live their lives honourably, beneficially and to the full as followers of Christ.
In 1966 Ralph was advised to take early retirement for the sake of his health but he continued to
work on a review of children and marriage and to lecture on work in social psychology at LSE &
Maudsley Hospital. In 1999 he and Dani moved to Staffordshire to help their daughter Lesley with
her three young children. They settled in Standon and joined Ashley Methodist Church. Ralph,
always fascinated by words and their meanings, joked that they moved from Oakley, Beds, to
Ashley, Staffs. He had an impressive collection of English idioms which he would recount
whenever he had the opportunity.
Ralph became widely known and respected in this area as a member of the Newcastle branch of the
Rotarians and was eagerly added to the local preachers’ list in the Newcastle circuit which included
Ashley at that time. Congregations looked forward to his services as his preaching was always
spiritually inspiring, deeply thoughtful, practical and positive. In 2015 he was awarded for 60
years’ service as a Wesley local preacher. At AMC he also volunteered as a steward serving as
senior steward for about 8 years. Those serving with him grew to appreciate his meticulous
organisation and record keeping, his communication skills, forward thinking and encouragement
and gratitude for everyone’s efforts. Many of those who came into contact with him will have been
gently nudged in a new direction. He advised and encouraged many preachers along the way. He
organised several social events here and was a great quiz compiler and master. With a twinkle in his
eye he infused everything with fun and laughter.
Sadly in 2018 he and Dani found it advisable to mover closer to their family for support. Dani
began to need some special care so they moved together into a residential home in Stafford. When
Dani’s needs became greater she was moved into dementia care and Ralph moved in with his
daughter in Trentham visiting his beloved Dani every day. He was then able to join Trentham
Methodist Church. Dani passed away in December 2020 and her life was celebrated in a service at
AMC. Eventually Ralph felt that his needs were becoming onerous for his daughter and sought
support in a residential home in Chell. Later he moved to a care home in Trentham and so was able
to worship once again at Trentham Methodist Church who joyfully welcomed him back. In all this
time Ralph continued to keep in touch with his friends at Ashley with regular phone calls and
emails. It was always good to hear his cheerful voice and to answer his enquiries about our church
and its congregation. It came as a shock, therefore, to hear that Ralph’s health had deteriorated
suddenly and, after a few days in hospital, he passed away peacefully to meet the Lord and Saviour
he had served so faithfully and effectively all his adult life.
During the service of thanksgiving at Trentham MC we sang a hymn of Ralph’s choosing which
expresses his faith and philosophy of life:
I cannot tell why he, whom angels worship,
Should set his love upon the sons of men,
Or why, as Shepherd, he should seek the wanderers,
To bring them back, they know not how or when.
But this I know, that he was born of Mary
When Beth’lem’s manger was his only home,
And that he lived at Nazareth and laboured,
And so the Saviour, Saviour of the world is come.
I cannot tell how silently he suffered,
As with his peace he graced this place of tears,
Or how his heart upon the cross was broken,
The crown of pain to three and thirty years.
But this I know, he heals the broken-hearted
And stays our sin and calms our lurking fear
And lifts the burden from the heavy laden;
For still the Saviour, Saviour of the world is here.
I cannot tell how he will win the nations,
How he will calm his earthly heritage,
How satisfy the needs and aspirations
Of east and west, of sinner and of sage.
But this I know, all flesh shall see his glory,
And he will reap the harvest he has sown,
And some glad day his sun shall shine in splendour
When he the Saviour, Saviour of the world is known.
I cannot tell how all the lands shall worship,
When at his bidding every storm is stilled,
Or who can say how great the jubilation
When every heart with love and joy is filled.
But this I know, the skies will thrill with rapture,
And myriad, myriad human voices sing,
And earth to heav’n, and heav’n to earth will answer,
“At last the Saviour, Saviour of the world is King!